Oh hark!

People say that you should live your life without any regrets. I tend to agree with this statement. But I just have one regret. When I was younger I made a decision, an extremely stupid decision that has now basically cost me my health. And it sucks. And I want people to learn from my mistake. I'm going to tell my children the same thing, and pray and hope that they listen, and follow my advice.
My regret is drinking alcohol.
I wish that I never touched the stuff. I wish that nobody in my family ever drank it. I wish that my friends never drank it. I wish that it wasn't so socially acceptable. I wish that it didn't consume me and become my life for a good four years. I regret drinking, because now having a glass of wine makes me feel as if my body is trying to turn itself inside out. It repulses it. I just wish it did it at the start, and not now. It would have saved me a lot of trouble.

And I know it's sad to say.
But I miss my wine and gin.

- Kate, smiley face.

Location:Here. There. Everywhere!

If the van's a-swayin', I'm on my knee's a-prayin'!

My. Head. Hurts.
Being sick isn't at all fun.

When I got back into this, I made a deal with myself. I made a deal that I wasn't going to invest myself as much as I had done before. That this time, I was going to be okay. I was going to be perfect. And now I'm laying here in my bed, and you're gone again, I can't help but miss you so much it hurts. I hate that I love you so much that I want you here all the time. I hate missing you. Because missing you sucks. And now I haven't got a clue in the world when I'll get to see you next. And I hate not knowing.
I remember when you said that we'd run away together and you'd never let anything hurt me. That all we needed was each other, and nobody else. Because that's what love is. I wish we could do that.

I had an interesting conversation with my doctor today.
Doctor: "So, is there anything else I can help you with today?"
Me: "Yeah, I was just wondering, well every time I drink alcohol now, regardless of how much or how little it is, I get extremely sick and can't even keep water down for about 24 hours. Like, even if I just have one or two drinks I get sick. Could I be allergic to something in it, or is there anything to be done to find out what the problem is?"
Doctor: "Yeah, stop drinking."

Ah, well thanks for that. And you went to university for how many years for what exactly?

- Kate, smiley face.

Location:Beddies.

I always said forever.

It's ridiculous how much I've learnt lately. It feels as if my head is about to cave in from all of it. I am possibly the most tired person in the world, but yet, I still can't sleep. I'm trying my very hardest to wake up each day with a smile on my face and some positivity about the world, but it's a little difficult when I feel as if everybody is so negative towards me. I am not a little girl. I don't need looking after, so stop telling me that my decisions are wrong. I've had my problems in the past with a lot of things. But I am not that same person now, and your disbelief doesn't help me to not become that person again. It just pushes me back there. I'm after encouragement, not set backs.
I've also learnt that you should only ever do things for yourself. Never put your life on hold for another person if they aren't willing to do the same. In the end, it just isn't worth the heartbreak.
Each day I am growing and learning. Come at me world, I'm ready to conquer you.


- Kate, smiley face.

Location:Bed.

That'll do Donkey, that'll do.

Why is it that I'm always getting lectured on things that make other people unhappy? Why am I not allowed to do anything for myself that makes ME happy, nobody else, just me? True friends wouldn't lecture me, they would support me. True friends wouldn't stop talking to me just because they disagree with the decisions you make. That isn't what friendship is about. Friendship is about sticking together through the good and the bad, and supporting each other regardless. You don't have my back, so why I should stick around to have yours? I know that if I really needed you, you'd be there within an instant. But I want you around all the time, not when I'm in crisis. I just wish everyone would grow up.

- Kate, smiley face.

Location:Here.

I really need to get a hobby.

I am completely useless at this blogging thing.
My 30 day challenge just completely went to shit.

I have no news for you.
I'm spending my Saturday doing my washing. My house is so cold that it takes an entire week for it to dry.
On the plus side, I have discovered a washing detergent that actually stops my KFC uniform from stinking so much. Omo Alpine Fresh, I think I love you.


- Kate, smiley face.

Location:Heater.

I don't want to hear the truth, I want the comfort of your lies.

Dieting tip number one -

Break up with the person who means more to you than life itself, and let even the idea of anything non alcoholic entering your mouth, leave you throwing your stomach lining up.
On the plus side, all of my clothes are falling off me and it's awesome!

I should write a book.
- Kate, smiley face.

Location:Hell.

Oh baby, oh baby.

Day Seven - Your Ex.
My ex. I hate calling him that because he isn't suppose to be my ex. My ex I am still in love with, and I will always love him regardless. I hate that three days ago he was my boyfriend. I regret letting him come over. I knew where it was leading too. I regret not kicking up a fuss, and saying that it was the wrong thing to do. I never regret anything in my life, but I regret not trying to get you to change your mind. I don't know where it all turned bad, and I don't think you really have the answers either. Maybe I never loved you enough, or maybe it was too much. There are so many maybe's and so many what if's, that it's just driving me insane. I'm not at all ready to accept that we're over. And if we're still in love, then why should I?

Also, I start my new job tonight. So. Flipping. Excited!
- Kate, smiley face.

Location:Right here, right now.